I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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