I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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