Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
