dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
