im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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