I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Randomize
