That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
