Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
