like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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