bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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