I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
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