honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Randomize
