Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
