Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
