dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
We got so high we made milksteak
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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