I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
