sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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