I hate your face
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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