And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Too much gin, very little bucket
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
