The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
