i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
