I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
