I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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