apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
