Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize
