Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
