My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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