OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
The feeling are messing with the penis
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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