I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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