Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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