I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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