I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
