well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Randomize
