All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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