everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
