just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
