what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
