Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You were trust falling into bushes
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
