I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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