did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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