What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
