If that was your dad, he is hot
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
