my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
