The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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