My nipple is on Facebook.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
