Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
