He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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