Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
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