im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
