she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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