I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
