is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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