You're completely useless in the revolution.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
