So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
