My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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