I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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