Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
We left an ass print on the piano.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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