first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
