I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
