I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
