No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
