You just made me feel so damn special
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
