saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
